Comments on: What Mary Doesn’t Tell

By: How to Love an Abuser - Lucinda J Kinsinger

How to Love an Abuser - Lucinda J Kinsinger — Sat, 16 May 2020 20:31:29 +0000

[…] Last week, guest blogger Rosanna Brubacker wrote about domestic abuse, specifically abuse that goes on in conservative Anabaptist circles. […]

By: Sandra Miller

Sandra Miller — Mon, 07 Aug 2017 16:51:53 +0000

In reply to Rosanna.

Quote: “Unfortunately, the only ones that I know of who claimed abuse by their spouses were actually discovered to be the abusers.” I find this quote contradictive: If the wife complains of being abused she is to be believed , not so the husband. Hmmmmm. In any case I have a mother who was verbally, emotionally abusive. – she is an angry woman, is narcissitic. Preachers have confronted her but she knows the language of maniplation and uses it skillfully. She is a liar….How does one deal with such a person? I have decided to keep my distance hoping others who believe her will become aware of the depth of depravity that resides there. In the meantime her husband has died and I grieve over the pain she inflicted upon him….

By: Shirley

Shirley — Mon, 07 Aug 2017 12:25:12 +0000

So I am a little late to this conversation so am not even sure you Rosanna will even read this BUT I want to say how grateful I am that you are not only willing to post this but to publicly identify yourself ! that takes courage !! I just finished reading Luci’s book -and remember my parents talking about living in that area. . It made me wonder how many churches have split to cover up the abuse or have ostracized those who were willing to come forward and confront those who were abusing. I can remember the look on some people’s faces when I told that “If I ever heard of abuse I would have no problem calling the police” -now I understand their reaction !

By: lucindaj

lucindaj — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 14:05:37 +0000

In reply to Rosanna. Great information here. The linked report was very revealing. Thank you.

By: lucindaj

lucindaj — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 13:48:11 +0000

In reply to Karen Deyhle. Thank you for commenting and sharing this information.

By: Dorothy F Mullet

Dorothy F Mullet — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 00:11:37 +0000

In reply to Tim Nissley. I have seen the above happening and have to wondered about the devil's role in keeping things hidden. Thanks for the article Roseanna and the comments that are being made by readers. Very enlightening.

By: Christy

Christy — Thu, 24 Nov 2016 22:52:04 +0000

Thank you for speaking out on this subject. I am very frustrated that women and children in abusive, Mennonite homes are so unprotected. The church is seen as the only resource (not a hotline or emergency service), but the church is under-resourced. Men are given the benefit of the doubt and women and children are seen as unsubmissive. That simply feeds the common victim mindset that the victims are to blame for their own abuse, and adds shame to an already shame-inducing situation. I hope that I will live to see reform in the way abuse is handled in Mennonite churches. I’m not in a position to be a part of that movement right now, but I’m so happy to see that not everyone will be silent.

By: Rosanna

Rosanna — Wed, 23 Nov 2016 22:21:42 +0000

In reply to AL Yoder.

I do not have experience with this. The cases that I hear of are women. In our plain circles men are recognized as the leaders in the homes so it seems that if abuse occurs toward men, it is very likely more verbal or emotional abuse. As a woman in our culture, I do know that we women are quicker to call out a fellow woman who abuses her husband in this way. Statistically, I’ve found some US information from the state of New York that sheds some light on reported domestic violence by gender. http://www.opdv.ny.gov/professionals/abusers/genderandipv.html I don’t have any information to offer on this subject, personally. A man who is abused has a pretty strong patriarchal system set in place to back him up if he goes to the leaders of the church for help. Unfortunately, the only ones that I know of who claimed abuse by their spouses were actually discovered to be the abusers. I hope that the husband of an abusive wife would find a counselor who would offer them help.

By: Karen Deyhle

Karen Deyhle — Wed, 23 Nov 2016 03:37:00 +0000

There is a blog “Our Stories Untold” that shares stories and lessons about abuse by leaders in Anabaptist groups, particularly churches and institutions, how the leadership covers it up and protects the abusers. It is painfully sad to learn about, far worse to experience. However, not learning about abuse leaves us all more vulnerable. I am thankful that more attention is being brought to this serious problem. Light is being shed on this.

By: lucindaj

lucindaj — Wed, 23 Nov 2016 02:46:05 +0000

In reply to Sandra Miller. That sounds like a very sad situation. I am sorry for the pain you and others must have experienced.