“Have fun writing…” he said this morning when he went out the door. “…writing something fun for once.” He knew that instead of all the school and business projects I’ve been working on recently, I would be writing this blog post.
The apostle Paul said a single woman cares about the things of God and a married woman cares about pleasing her husband, and I never knew what he meant before. I thought, when I got married, I would keep loving the same things I always loved and pursuing the same things I always pursued, and a husband would be my project on the side.
I would be a good wife, of course, and take care of him well. But my time, my goals, my motives, my resources—these would main indubitably mine. They have, I guess. No one can take them from me. But my desires have changed. I care less about writing, less about making a name for myself, and more about having a harmonious relationship with my husband.
I want him to be proud of me. I want him to like me and to think I am doing a good job of being his wife. I want there to be openness between us. I want to spend time together. I want these things more than I want anything else.
Sometimes when we lie together, I think he is a god. Sometimes when I am angry or hurt, I think that I despise him. The real truth lies somewhere in between, somewhere in a place of vulnerable humanity, where stones cut feet and hearts bleed big, where a man and a woman give each other the greatest amount of bodily pleasure that is known on this earth, and in giving that, give something bigger, something from their spirits. A coldness could grow up there. When so much is given, so much could also be taken away, and a spirit could grow hard, untrusting, and brittle.
I don’t want this to happen to us.
He loves me, and that knowledge is precious to me.
He was a gift I didn’t look for and the best gift God ever gave me.
Remember that, readers. Don’t close your hearts to unexpected gifts, because in my experience they are better than any metal trophy I ever sweated and broke my heart for on the field. The unexpected gifts—the sunsets, the tiny moments of laughter, the love that came from a place you didn’t look—these are the best gifts.
Inside me grows another thing that is purely a gift. Ivan and I couldn’t have made it. We have no skills and no knowledge to create such a treasure. We can only stand broken and awed and watch this being form.
I am thirteen weeks into my pregnancy. To have made it this far is also a gift. Our small Misty is gone into heaven. This child still lives, a miracle beyond our control. One day soon we may see it.
Until then, we watch and wonder what will be the nature of this unknown gift that will change the way we think.
***
P.S. Ivan laughed and laughed when he read this post. He said he could have told me from the beginning he was a full-time project.
P.S.S. I know I’m long overdue my goal of a weekly post. Sorry about that. I plan to post again later this week to make up.
Congratulations!💛
Congratulations and best wishes! It’s good to hear from you again.
Lucy,
We are so happy for you both!
Let’s chat soon.
Love,
Faye & Shell
Yes, let’s.
Oh Luci, I love this so much! Especially the paragraph that begins “Sometimes when we lie together…” so beautiful and true.
Congratulations and the very best of wishes on the tiny little life that’s growing — so exciting!
Congratulations! How exciting! Love reading your blogs!
So excited and happy for you guys!! And so much truth in this post. 💜
Congratulations!!🥰🤩🤗
So happy for you. What a blessed gift! Praying for you as you expand your family.
Congratulations! Such a miracle. I am glad for this new little life, especially after the loss of your first baby.
Congratulations!! Your honesty is so beautiful and you know how to make a pregnancy announcement a piece of literary art! Well done and wishing you all the best!
I have never left a comment on someone’s blog before. I read your book a year or so ago, because I live in a Mennonite community & I didn’t want to mistakenly offend one of my dear neighbors by mistake. I thought the solution was to learn more. I loved your book & I love every one of your blog posts. You have opened a window for me to see that my Mennonite neighbors are just like me. Friendships have blossomed because of this. I am a Christian homeschooling mother of five. My husband is a farmer. We live in Northern California. Your post today touched my heart so deeply. After miscarriages & failed attempts, our five children came to us through adoption. My heart soared to hear that you are pregnant again. I wanted to offer my deepest congratulations. Our family has already started praying for this new life. We are so eager & excited to continue to hear of your progress! Please, keep posting! Even though I’m not one who comments, I ALWAYS look forward to reading! Thank you sharing your writing with the world. What an encouragement you are! God bless you.
Marcie, your reply is such an encouragement to me and one of the reasons I write. Thank you for reaching out and thank you for your prayers. That means so much. Blessings to you and your family.
Awe… congratulations! Children are, indeed a miracle and a blessing from God! I remember when Ivan was still a gangly pre- teen. I’m glad you agreed to be his wife. 😊. I love your writing style, so honest, and “everyday”.
I’m so happy for you! I had a hard time getting pregnant and feared it would never happen, but after several years, it did. After the birth of our second child, I had a miscarriage, and then we adopted a baby girl who was very good for us (outspoken, hardheaded, fractious, hyperactive, and very loving). I loved the section of your blog in which you talk about your marriage and the gift it has been to you. I haven’t written before, but I read/own your book, and was delighted to read the love story that resulted from Ivan’s reading of that book and your blogs.
Thank you, Phoebe. I loved hearing a tiny bit of your story, and I hope you write again.
I’m overjoyed to hear the news of your coming miracle! I’m also happy to see you are able to design lovely wordcraft even as you are growing that wee one. Your writing is a treasure.
Sorry I failed to post my name with my above comment. I’m adding it here, because as a blogger, I appreciate knowing who the Unknowns or Anonymouses are in the comments. ~ Danette
Thank you, Danette. I do appreciate names. :)
Congratulations! Thank you for sharing this wonderful news! Love hearing from you.
Dawn
Luci, I’m so happy for you and Ivan! I’m praying for you and your growing baby!
Love,
Sarah
Congratulations! I have been praying that God would give you this gift in His time. And I will keep on praying for this tiny new creation.
I like how you say the hard things- and agree that after the 21 years we have been married, that it has totally been worth the time and effort and hard work and tears!
Thank you, Wendy!
Congratulations!!!!! I’m happy to hear about this blessing from the Lord! Hope you are doing well.
Congratulations!! I will be praying for the three of you!!
Congratulations!! I will be praying for the three of you!! Have a blessed time
Congratulations! 🥳🥳So happy for you and hope every thing goes well and that before too long if the Lord wills, you will have a baby in your arms! Lord bless you both!!