May I Say Hello?

Which title is supposed to be a clever pun for my made-in-May update.

I am sitting at the kitchen table to write this while the children take their afternoon naps. My hair is loose down my back–a pleasantly relaxed feeling for someone who usually wears it up. I am wrapped in two sweaters and a blanket despite the fact that it is a beautiful sunny day outside and seventy degrees. Isn’t that ridiculous? Ivan would certainly think so. He often pokes good-natured fun at my mostly chilly body temperature. Or is purely disposition? I like feeling cozy.

Regardless, Ivan is the opposite. He’s always hot. He kicks off everything but the sheet in bed, while I take my warm fuzzy underneath the sheet, so I will be cozy. One foot under the fuzzy, one foot poked out to touch Ivan without making him hot. We like that small friendly touch when we sleep–still there and communing, but space, too, on each side.

And there, that is everything you didn’t need to know about our sleeping arrangements.

I talk about these things because it is easier than talking about the big things. Like will I ever figure out how to make my back stop aching? And how do two different people in a marriage learn to communicate and love each other well? How does one navigate being a one person (yourself) while being a two person (yourself in an intimate married relationship) while also being a birth person (a mom who carries in her body her entire life-long the tiny fibrous roots of her offspring)?And what is the proper balance between honest but negative talk about people and institutions versus seeing and appreciating the good in both people and institutions? Which is also honest…but is dwelling mostly on the good glossing over legitimate concerns or creating a false life? And is it ever okay, according to New Testament teaching, for someone to divorce their partner and marry another? And if one decides it’s always wrong–since Jesus said to do so is to commit adultery–what does repentance from divorce and remarriage look like? Does it look like separation from your second partner, or does it look like staying faithful to the commitment where you now find yourself? And is close communion possible or desirable between church members who feel differently on this issue–or other doctrinal issues? And will I ever feel completely at home and completely natural in a church and community so far and so different from the place I grew up? And where does a person ever find time to think around here?

Instead of these big things, I write about small things. They are easier. The sun shines on the pine tree outside the window. The wind moves its branches, speaking in that mysterious, adventurous wind languages that lets us know it has visited far-away places and seen far-away things. A chickadee hops spraddle-footed; a sparrow alights with blurred wings. My heart opens and drinks–each small thing a miracle.

Who is to say that a foot touch in bed is not, after all, the really big thing? It is these tiny things that make up a life. Each tiny impression creates a reality–a feeling of well-being, a feeling of harm. From these realities we spin our existence.

Teddy cries. I will get him, read him a story and then–if he allows me–I will add pictures to this post.

We were in Iowa to visit Grandma Dorothy recently. She is still a good grandma.

And this daddy is a good daddy. He got Teddy to sleep on the plane when I was at my wit’s end as to what to do with him. (And yes, there was puke and scream-crying involved.)

We also visited my family and were honored to be present at my nephew Onyxy’s adoption. His parents were asked some big questions, like: “Can you provide for all this child’s physical, mental, and emotional needs?” “Do you fully understand all the implications of this adoption?”

Maybe many of us as parents think about questions such as these, worry about them…but we’re not forced to put them in black and white and say yes to them. And who could say yes honestly? Who of us can fully meet our child’s every need or completely wrap our minds around what caring for this child will bring us? I didn’t cry, listening, but I felt like it.

Here is the group of us in the courthouse gathered to support Benny, Tricia, Onyx, and the rest of their sweet little family in the center.

The May world is beautiful.

Teddy is my little boot boy, and I am loving being outside more than I ever have in my life, seeing him enjoy it.

Don’t you love the big sisterly pose below? She’s turning his face to the camera for the picture. ;)

Here’s a photo of Teddy by a window.

And a throwback of Annalise by a window when she was close to the same age Teddy is now. It was too cute; I just had to share it. :)

In closing, an excerpt from the family journal:

May 3, 2025

The other day when I was changing him, Teddy grabbed his balled up dirty diaper and threw it. “Ball!” he said.