I made my own wedding dress. I have sewed dresses for myself since I was a teenager—have moved from frustration and seam rippers and the sewing of sleeves to neck holes to calm satisfaction in watching the pieces fit together, just so. My wedding dress was of simple design, its only stab at “fancy” a floor-length skirt and pleated sleeves and a wide belt gathered in several places. Simple or not, it took me hours to complete, and when I had finished, I was inordinately proud. I loved to see it hanging in the light, its shiny swirl design shimmering, white on white, the trim tan boots Ivan bought me perched just below.
When people ask how conservative Mennonite weddings are different from “regular” weddings, I usually give them a list of don’ts. We don’t exchange a wedding ring. We don’t have a flower girl. We don’t kiss publicly after the ceremony. We don’t serve alcohol. We don’t dance.
Maybe, though, the difference between Mennonite weddings and those of mainstream Americans could best be summed up in this sentence: I made my own wedding dress.
Several summers ago, I worked with a young woman who was planning her wedding. She scrolled through wedding dresses priced at over a thousand dollars. “What do you think of this one?” she would ask. I didn’t want to tell her that to me, all of them seemed ridiculously pricey.
When I went wedding-dress shopping last summer, I paid probably twenty dollars for the fabric, a few dollars more for the thread and zipper. And that’s all it took, besides three days of my time. I’ve sewed dozens of dresses in my lifetime and hadn’t expected this one to mean much beyond another job on my wedding task list completed. Instead, I felt viscerally connected. I’d made this dress for a marriage I would also build—sentence by sentence, deed by deed—with my very own fingers.
Ivan and I, like many conservative Mennonites, tapped into our own resources and those of our friends to furnish the wedding. Ivan put together a soundtrack of our favorite songs. Mom and I spent a day making dinner rolls and a hamburger topping to be served at the potato bar. Ladies from church provided desserts. Family and friends set up the reception hall, acted as ushers, led congregational singing, collected gifts, served food, moderated open mike, and cleaned up afterward. We gave our helpers small gifts, but nowhere near what we would have paid if we’d hired a wedding planner, a catering service, and a DJ.
Maybe the DIY mentality of the people I grew up among contributes to the large size of our weddings. Ivan and I hosted two hundred fifty guests, a fairly small wedding in my circles. One can afford to have a lot of guests if a large percentage of them plan to pitch in and help.
I love this connection to the people—my people—love that we do it together and so it becomes not just my wedding, but our wedding. When I think of the Bride of Christ adorning herself for her Husband, I think of that same sense of closeness. We are not many brides, but one.
Today, in my new home in Oakland, Maryland, I saw that illustrated. At a sewing circle hosted by the New Order Amish women of the area, Amish and Beachy and Mennonite and Grace Reformed and Lutheran women sewed side by side.
I was accustomed to church sewings in my home community…but my church and other local churches each had a sewing. We never thought of doing it together.
Our Bridegroom is coming, and his Bride must make herself ready, wearing the robe he purchased for her at a very high price. We cannot buy our adornment ready made, for no store could stock such priceless goods. In times of frustration and seam rippers, remember this:
Many stitches, one bride.
***
This article was written for Mennonite World Review. Wedding photos by Kayla Weaver.
Simply beautiful!
I love how you wrote this. I also just got married this past summer and sewed my own wedding dress. For most of my 29 years of living I have not enjoyed sewing, so it took me days to do it and some tears (cut the skirt totally wrong and didn’t realize it till the dress was nearly done), but the satisfaction I felt when it was completed was well worth the stress. And now, I absolutely love my dress!
Oh, I love this!
This brought tears to my eyes. Beautiful description of your special day. I pictured every detail! I’ve never realized that a similar robe was purchased at a high price for me. I sat, and cried, as I realized that through your writing. I attempted to continue to read through the tears. Thank you for sharing this! And, Congratulations!
Thank you, Annette. So glad this was meaningful and an encouragement to you.
Oh my goodness Lucinda, this is beautifully said. The knitting together of two lives through so many shared moments and walking with the Lord. I didn’t realized you had moved. It sounds like you are getting to know the community well. The gathering of community sounds wonderful for your wedding.
Yes, I am getting to know the community and loving it here. Good to hear from you, Janel.
You are glowing in your lovely hand-made dress. Compared to you, I was a fancy bride, but I too made my own dress! https://marianbeaman.com/2013/06/08/wedding-on-the-cheap/
God is already blessing you abundantly in this new journey. Why, last year at this time you probably didn’t even know Ivan. And now you are MARRIED! God’s will is full of surprises. :-)
I enjoyed reading about your wedding, Marian! Thank you for sharing the link.
And yes, I had no idea last year where I would be this year. God is astoundingly surprising.
I love this article! I am still trying to live this out in a highly ‘Christianized’ area, with too many denominations to keep track of. While I do want to be aware of deception and commit to sound doctrine, I don’t want to alienate from every other Christian that doesn’t think/believe just like me. It’s really really hard for me because it’s just not the cultural way to operate. The denominations, some with the slightest differences, keep so tightly to themselves and defensive and negative comments are frequent among groups. My attitude goes sour over this far too often, and I long for the mind of Christ to see with eyes of love and discernment, not pettiness and divisiveness. God help us…..
God help us, Sherri. Amen and amen.
It’s already been said, but this is a great post! I love how you turned your wedding dress into an allegorical illustration — both of your community and the Church.
Thank you, Sarah.
I always enjoy reading what you write !! Yes, I made my own wedding dress 53 yrs ago and the material cost me $5.00. And yes, the community of believers in my church, family and friends helped with the meal, set up the tables and clean up as we were headed out for a honeymoon. :)
I looked on the map where you live and it appears to be in western MD. Didn’t know there were a large group of Amish & Mennonites, etc in that area. Keep writing !!
It’s not a huge group…this is a fairly small, closeknit community…but there are definitely more varieties of Anabaptists in this area than where I grew up. And a number of Mennonite or Amish owned businesses, cafes, bulk food stores, etc. To my untrained Midwestern eyes, it’s sorta like a miniature Lancaster. :)
I loved reading this post. You did a beautiful job on your dress. I borrowed my friends wedding dress and we did potluck for our wedding. We did our best to cut costs. I also appreciate what you said about being prepared for our Bridegroom to return and we must be ready!
Thank you Luci!
Thank you, Regina. I always love hearing from you. :)