Hi Anonymous, it’s really good to hear from you and hear your honesty. I was always a little leery of marriage because I didn’t want to get trapped in a gender box I felt would be stifling. In my home and experience, I have felt so much freedom to think for myself and to make my own choices…I didn’t ever want to lose that. Ivan told me the first time we met, while I was still considering dating, that he didn’t want a wife to boss around; he wanted a relationship that was more like president and vice-president. I liked that. I still like that. I feel like I am gaining not just a husband, but an enabler, supporter, and teammate…someone who won’t re-route my life but instead help me to succeed and thrive as a writer.

That being said, we are still learning the whole teamwork thing. Right now it feels like of course we’ll get it perfect, but of course, that’s not reality. And even though we want our attitude and some of our actions to always be “together,” Ivan will still be doing the bulk of the farm work and I will be doing the bulk of the housework. I have a feeling you’re talking about more than just splitting the workload, though…maybe there is an emotional support or connection that you are missing. If so, that’s something to talk about…maybe with your husband? I don’t know your situation or relationship, so I can’t just throw advice out into the ecosystem, but I do think your feelings are valid and that it is possible to work through to a relationship that feels more enabling and empowering to you and to your husband both. I don’t know how to tell you to get there! But I think prayer is key. Also openness. And if you want to have a longer discussion with a random writer you’ve never met, please feel free to contact me through the email address in the contact tab on this blog.

Also, thank you for your happiness and care for me. That is precious.

Thank you!

Teamwork definitely multiplies my efforts. Ivan has been a huge help to me with writing already. I am enjoying your memoir and hope to review it soon. :)

Not surprisingly, food is a motif in my memoir. Planting, harvesting, canning, and freezing all a part of my “farm” family experience. I hope you have a chance to read and review my book soon. Thank you!