This article was first published in Anabaptist World as a part of my regular column.
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When I moved to Oakland, Maryland, after my marriage, I immediately felt at home. The people were warm and inclusive, curious and friendly. I loved to see the Amish and Mennonites mix with each other and with the rest of the local community at a level of interaction and openness I hadn’t experienced among other conservative Anabaptists. Oakland, with its prosperous farms and productive country people, seemed haloed by an idyllic charm. I was proud to call it home.
I am still proud to call this community home. But recently, I learned something about a local Anabaptist—someone I respected and even admired—that deeply disappointed me. Now I grapple with a feeling of disillusionment.
I dealt with similar feelings of disillusionment when it came out that Christian Aid Ministries had badly mishandled sexual abuse against Haitian schoolboys, abuse that could have been prevented. CAM had represented to me everything that was best of conservative Anabaptists—generosity, practicality, integrity, a commitment to spreading the gospel.
My disappointment received a second taint more recently when a Mennonite who was supposedly smuggling Bibles to restricted countries was found to have cheated several Anabaptist ministries from millions of dollars smuggled into his own bank account.
And the late Ravi Zacharias, a Christian hero who blended logic and storytelling in a way that made Christianity both attractive and feasible to the demons of doubt that danced through my soul—this hero too was felled by a specter of sexual misconduct that reached back from his grave.
When stories such as these shock my vision like electric sparks, the world feels tarnished, unsecure. I wonder if all I’ve believed is a lie. The truths I’ve spoken of so glowingly—the redemption that is in Christ, the values of love and forgiveness held among conservative Anabaptists—if these people I trusted could commit sin of such magnitude, is there anyone to trust? Or is all that is in people and in the world failure and disillusionment and lies?
A verse rings in my mind. “The foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, The Lord knoweth them that are his. And, Let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity.” (2 Tim. 2:19 KJV)
We cannot see all things. The verse offers assurance that there is still a foundation of righteousness, and that God knows his people.
I look at my two-year-old daughter, her small pigtails bobbing beside her head, and wonder what I can give her in a world so tarnished. I can give her books, love, time, a country lifestyle, a childhood free of fear…but who am I kidding? I can’t really offer her freedom from fear. I can’t even protect her from evil, much as I would like to. The places I think of as safest have not always proved to be so.
When she grows older, she will find the same surprising end of star dreams that I have found, the same dirge to sparkling water and roses.
I think of what my own parents offered me. I can see their imperfections. I can see the imperfections and wrongs of the small church I grew up in—but still they bequeathed to me as best they knew how a bedrock of dependance on God. They offered me Jesus.
And it comes to my mind that in this world of uncertainty and disappointment, the best thing I can offer my daughter is Jesus. Not Mennonite-ism, or country life, or books, or church, or education…or any of the things I think of as good. I have seen failure in the values and people I counted on most deeply.
But Jesus.
Jesus opens a way to holiness. There is a sense where Jesus cannot fail because…how could he? He is beyond this life.
Do we then hold to a pipe dream?
If it is a pipe dream, it is a powerful one. A pipe dream that has changed people’s lives, brought healing and hope where desert once was. Albert Camus once said, “I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn’t, than live my life as if there isn’t and die to find out there is.”
This Christian hope seems at first glance flimsy, but the closer you walk to it, the more you bang your head, your hands against its rough-hewn walls, the sturdier it seems.
The Christian hope is a hope visualized though not yet seen. A hope that rings louder in our hearts—though the world may stench around us—when we gain private glimpses of God.
Wrong will be rectified. Redemption will come. Lift up your heads; it comes near.
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Feature photo by MacKenzie Zimmerman.
Beautiful words. Thank you!
I think the number one thing the Lord has taught and keeps reminding is not to put my trust in man. I was very disappointed when I find out CAM had mishandled the abuse fiasco and didn’t protect those little boys.
And yes the best you can offer your little girl is Jesus. He will never fail her.
Amen!
Good morning. Beautiful words. We are our faith. There is Plain Pride among some congregations. Pride that we can my rules keep the church Pure as the Bride of Christ. Pride that sexual sin, adultery, molestation of children is Not of us. It is the only the Worldly people. It is also of us too but hidden. We are our faith, not perfect and we need to bring our skeletons out from under the rug where we sweep them. The Bible talks about rapists and we are told they are not the believers, the Israelites but the Other People.
Your words brought to my mind a choral group. A friend shared to me a Mennonite Concert on YouTube. I wept when the host said to the group, “Welcome Home”. I thought maybe they were in a gray Cathedral in Switzerland. No, too many Mennonites in the audience to fly to Switzerland. It was sung in a beautiful Catholic Cathedral. It sure is not for me to judge the building. The group are all Conservative Mennonites. The ladies had rose colored cape dresses of the same material. These dresses, I saw allowed for individual expression not all 100% the same. Most songs were in black uniform dresses. Some cape fronts were tailored to fit with pleats and darts. Some ladies added a rose colored lace belt. White lace belt. No absolute 100% compliance. Freedom in Jesus. Same with the coverings not all the same. The audience were mostly conservative dressed ladies. Men as usual have free choice. In a rehearsal I saw long skirts and printed tops, all attractive and modest. The group is : CANTATE DOMINO Esemble, Laudale Mennonite Ensemble. All the songs were Anabaptist arrangements or Anabaptist compositions sung in the style of that would have been familiar to the believers hundreds of years ago. Promoting Anabaptist composers of original pieces.
There were also Composer Interviews. I loved Micah Miller’s interview. He was encouraged to write music. I looked at the comments the “Likes” and thumbs up. One song had 6 thumbs Down. What in the world was someone’s problem? Some ordung broken? I heard the acoustics, the beauty of the building for the sake of art. The pillars all so beautiful the high engineered vaulted ceiling. The voices raising to Heaven. Surely our Father God heard them. Some people, to me, in the audience had a worried expression.
All very interesting, Susan. Thank you for sharing. And very true about bringing out skeletons.
A beautiful column, full of wisdom. Thank you!
Incredibly timely. I needed to read this. Will catch up soon. Love you, my dear friend.
Love you too, my friend and so good to hear a word from you. I’ve been thinking of you.
Beautiful and powerful. Thank you for sharing your words
Yes, oh yes, Luci!
A wise person asked me once, “Is there anything you can do to make God love you more and is there anything you can do to make Him love you less?”
It’s not what we did and it’s not what we do, it’s what Jesus did! That’s what saves us. God is pleased with our obedience but He doesn’t stop loving us when we mess up. Just like we don’t stop loving our children when they make mistakes.
For this, I am so grateful and thankful.
A page in a book does not define the book just like an incident in one’s life doesn’t define that life. God is in the business of forgiving…which is why He sent His Son. All these words could be just one…GRACE.
As the old hymn says…”Grace that is greater than all our sin”
Those are beautiful and wise words, Jenny. Thank you!
I’m with you. And trusting in Jesus and choosing not to get cynical over all the wickedness done in the name of Jesus. If it wasn’t for my love of Jesus and my gratitude to Him, I would walk away from all this humanity, from dealing with people who claim to know Him, but act so different than He would. I’m so thankful that I know Jesus, and I can focus on Him. He is worthy, and if He is all I have, it will be enough.