Okay, I admit it. College is a whole lot harder than I thought it would be, which translates into, “I am not quite as smart as I always thought I was.”
I have been giving my studies my best, and right now that feels like my everything. I worry that maybe I’ll never have time again to do the things I want to do: work on Turtle Heart; walk the Freedom Trail; visit the Museum of Fine Arts; take in a lecture at Harvard; wander over to Brighton to reconnect with that bright, aqua-eyed, Parisian Jewish Orthodox woman I met the other day.
I also feel out of my element. I have grown to really appreciate the other students in this class of 2022—their values, their kindness, their sense of fun, and their seriousness about their studies. I am grateful to the staff and professors here at Sattler for all they have sacrificed to make this college a reality and for the time and care they have poured into us, the student body, to make our transition into college easier. I have connected in a genuine way with some of the ladies at the little Followers of the Way house church I attend in Malden.
All the same, Boston is a whole different banana than Rusk County, Wisconsin. I feel a little like I have stepped into a high end boutique wearing tennis shoes and a grass-stained dress.
It’s not that people here are so different, really—it’s the atmosphere of the place. It’s the skyscrapers where I used to see trees, the city lights where I used to see sunsets. It’s the intellectual concepts thrown around where I used to hear crazy nonsensical jokes, and the weighty words, well-expressed, where I used to hear “ain’t” and “I seen.”
I miss country people and simple things. I miss sitting at the wooden table in my family’s dining room and eating cold cereal and listening to the nieces and nephews giggle and talk with their mouths full. I miss my sisters. I miss my mom. I miss going home at night to a place where the lock doesn’t work on the door and where someone is always around, somewhere in the house, to hear your deepest, most soul-stirring problems and to hug you and pray with you and tell you they love you and it’s going to be okay.
I already love my roommates and the other women in my small mentoring group, and I know in time they will feel more and more like family. But if you have experienced growing up in a family where you were given unconditional love, you know that no one and nothing can ever take the place of that. Familial love is a strength that girds you wherever you go, but—if you have no clear calling that leads you to a new place—tethers you always to the one place and the one people.
“Be glad you are close to your family and miss them,” one of the other students told me. “I’m not close to my family, and so I don’t miss them.”
And so—yes—I am deeply grateful for this sadness.
I am also grateful to this sweet family who invited me to join them for a picnic.
Deborah follows my blog, and when she and her husband and youngest son were traveling through Boston recently, she suggested we meet. It was just the bright spot I needed in a rather home-sickish day. They are country people, farmers, which made it feel all the more homey and special.
And wandering down the street the other day, I saw this little lady waving her scarf.
Who do you think she is, and who is she waving to? I picture the other individual as a man, probably her lover, but I don’t know—I could be wrong.
What do you think?
Have you met Faith Ann yet? I am interested in reading everything about your new venture in life. Blessings, Kim PS Can’t wait to see you again.
Can’t wait to see you! I’m coming home next weekend. And no, I haven’t met Faith Ann yet.
Lucinda I’m glad Deborah and her family were able to get together with you. I think it’s kinda like being at home. I would say the lady whom I will name Tabitha( I really like that name) is waving for her children because they are leaving the playground. Or Tabitha is shaking her scarf so she can hang in on the clothesline before she and the children leave for the playground.
Tabitha. I like it! And yes, hanging out with Deborah and her family was a little bit like home. That’s why it was so special.
The words of Dr Seuss come to mind… “And will you succeed? Yes, you will indeed! 98 and three quarters per cent guaranteed!” And more trustworthy than that assurance is this one: “ My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness…” (2 Corinthians 12:9) It was so good to meet you in person. I’m excited to hear a little bit of what God is doing in your life.
Thanks for the encouragement! And thanks again for the picnic. :)
I’m excited to follow your new life in the big city, because I am fascinated with this new Anabaptist college. But yes, I understand the feeling of just wanting the comfortable and the familiar! God bless you with much courage and grace as you adjust!
Thank you!
You put your homesickness into words that I can connect with so much, feeling the initial root-tearing pains of being transplanted into a city, missing the simple life. It hurts. But in time you will learn to love it almost as deeply.
I know you’ve experienced much of the same. So I will take these as words from someone who knows. :)
Hang in there. It will get better with time. As my daughter says “just keep swimming.” You are smart enough. College is overwhelming for everyone.
Thank you!
I love hearing about your experiences and what it’s like to be transplanted from country life to city life. I’ll be praying for you as you adjust. Blessings!
Thank you. I appreciate those prayers!
You are dealing with culture shock in the extreme, something I had to cope with when I moved from Lancaster County to big city Jacksonville. Be kind and patient with yourself and watch for signs that God cares for you, like the visit with Deborah and noticing the lady with the scarf.
God does give good little gifts. Thank you for the reminder to notice them.
Thank-you for sharing your journey through collage and the adjustments of a new area and a new church. I would love to visit Boston someday but for now I look forward to reading your stories.
If you ever visit Boston, please come visit me!
My daughter Ramona is attending Wellesley in MA and I am hoping she gets over to Boston some weekend and can meet you! Is Malden the house church where Finney attends or is it one of the other ones? She also knows Austin and Sue so she should go to the house church where she can connect with some she knows. I don’t know if she will find the time…she is also feeling swamped and a bit homesick, I think (even though she has lived about 2 hours away from us for the last year). Going to a big city in the east is entirely a different ball game than living in little old Spokane in the West!