A robin contemplates, still as a statue on the lawn. He regards the world long in profile and then turns and regards it a while facing me. Now he hops across the lawn, jerkily slowly, pausing often.
This is me also in life right now. Contemplating. Hopping jerkily across deadlines but listening, thinking in between.
Prayer. How to become a woman of prayer, like my Great-grandma Miller, who sat in the very rocking chair that sits in my living room and prayed for her wild child son and his wayward friends. Her son gave his life to the Lord, and so did his friends. Several became pastors, and one became a missionary who worked for Wycliffe, translating the Bible so that some unreached group could read it in their mother tongue.
And me with barely time or desire to pray. It takes so much effort, and where are results? As the world mourns with rusty mouths around me.
Gratitude. I am reading 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp, reading slowly and treasuring the words, and starting my own gratitude list.
Miracles. We were recently honored by visitors from India, and it is always so encouraging to hear the stories of how God is working in a place halfway across the world. Someone said there should be a book called “The Acts of the Indian Apostles,” a sequel to the first book of Acts. Maybe I will write a book like that someday.
Childhood. Every day I smile when I see her round sweet face and kiss her soft cheek. Especially on days like today when she is happy and giggly and full of the best kind of life. Somedays I grow weary and wish I could do my own thing, think my own thoughts, uninterrupted. But I always remember what Ivan tells me: “You’re the one who wanted children so bad.” He’s right. I did, desperately, and still do. Sometimes I dread the intense schedule and changing routine a second child will bring, but I never doubt I want the baby.
Margin. That is my word for this year. I practice margin by taking naps when I want them (provided Annalise is napping, too) and making sure I take at least a little time to read (almost) every day. Book reading, not social media or magazines. I love stories. I love the place of rest and release and imagination and exploration a book takes my mind. If I don’t read, I listen to audiobooks.
I still have a hard time with priorities, though. That is a big part of margin. Deciding what is important and cutting the rest. I have a very, very, very, very, very hard time with that.
And speaking of childhood, today Annalise and I were picking up her crayons—big toddler-sized crayons with lids. We found lids for all the crayons except the black one. “Where is the black lid?” I asked, looking for it. Annalise had a good idea. She took the lid of the purple crayon and put it on the black crayon—only to discover we still had a lid missing!
LOL. I love watching her problem-solving skills develop.
P.S. The feature photo above shows a joint effort. My two-year-old daughter’s drawing skills are not THAT advanced for her age, while my own skills are less than rudimentary for mine.
Your words remind me of a passage I read during devotions recently, in a book called Finding God in Ordinary Time. Here it is:
“How to create space for the things we really value is a perennial question. Each day, we make choices about our time and attention. Ironically, the people and passions we cherish most require careful tending, while mindless pastimes tend to run amok effortlessly. Inevitably, a choice for one is a choice against another.
There will always be plenty of worthy things to compete for our attention. The least we can do is uproot the less worthy ones.”
Good thoughts here! Yes, please write that sequel to the book of Acts.🙂 That sounds so fascinating.
It’s fun to read of your delight in your children. I think of how you described problem solving skills develop. I’m learning more about brain development (and how trauma interferes with the process) and have no doubt that your daughter has a brain that can develop normally because of all her safe connections/attachments with and to her parents. That’s a huge , HUGE gift you are giving her.
So much wisdom in this, Holly. Thank you!
I could connect to three different things on here. I am rereading 1000 Gifts as a part of my devotions lately. As to prayer, I would love to pray more than I do. I have just started reading Praying Like Monks Living Like Fools, but haven’t gotten very far yet. And margin. Oh dear. I have been trying to evaluate my life a little to see how I could give myself more margin, because the little I have usually gets filled up quickly. Blessings as you figure that out for yourself.
The title sounds very intriguing! Blessings to you as you figure out these things in your life as well.
Thanks for sharing, Luci. I am working on margin too, only I have been calling it space and stillness. Actually, let’s reword that: GOD is working on stillness in my life. I can be pretty stubborn. But oh, how healing it is, when I am willing to embrace it.
Amen!
A friend did me a service when she asked me if I think I have to have all my work done before I can read. I admitted that I do think that and then feel guilty when I read anyway. But her asking me that helped me evaluate what I was thinking, and I read without shame (most of the time) now.
It’s good for me to read back over my own words during this very busy season of summer. :)