Does anyone else remember making birthday cards for your parents adorned with extravagant crayon messages like: “To the best dad in the whole wide world” or “To the best best best best best mom ever”?
I still feel that way about my parents! Of course they’re not really perfect, and of course I know they’re only the best to me because they’re mine, not because there are not thousands of equally “best” parents in the world. But Dad and Mom may be the only parents in the world who regularly took the whole family out for their anniversary every year.
I love remembering that, because I realize now how unusual it is, and it illustrates something else I love about Mom and Dad: how they love to spend time with us children. Growing up, they never seemed to think we were a bother; they always wanted us along. And apparently the family date nights didn’t hurt the romance of their marriage, because they’ve been married thirty-seven years this August, and the love and understanding in their eyes when they look at each other has only grown over the years.
Every relationship takes work, and Dad and Mom are no exception. Although they were kind enough to present a united front to us children, I am sure they’ve had some tough issues to work through over the years. They wouldn’t be human if they didn’t.
But in this post, I won’t dwell on the tough times. Today I celebrate their love, their commitment, their thirty-seven years of hard work to build a marriage and a family that are beautiful.
I didn’t ask Dad and Mom before I started writing this: “What’s the secret to your happy marriage?” I could have, but I didn’t. Instead, I chose to write about a few lifestyle choices I’ve observed: things I know to be important to my parents because I’ve not only heard them talked about, I’ve seen them lived all across the long years.
1. God. He was their first consideration in all decisions–“What would God want in this situation?”–the Person they talked to when they woke up in the mornings, the Savior who gave every part of their life meaning. When I am struggling to understand God’s love, I think of Dad and Mom and the way they relate to us children. Their deep sacrificial love, and the freedom and acceptance they offer with it, is a picture to me of the way God relates to us. It’s a picture that is even more real to me than that of Jesus on the cross, because I am here, and I have tasted and smelled and handled it with my own senses in my own time.
2. Submission. Mom and Dad both believed a wife should submit to her husband as the church submits to Christ (Ephesians 5:22-24). This is not a common or popular Bible teaching today, but there is no doubt Mom thought it important. She never talked about her convictions so much as she acted them out, and so it is hard for me to imagine her any other way. She always let Dad lead, never nagged him, and though they discussed their big decisions together, almost always let him have the final say if there was a disagreement. Though she undoubtedly gave up some of her personal preferences, I think she gained in the long run–at least if one considers a profound respect and love from her husband and family a profitable trade-in.
3. Emotional Sensitivity. Dad said sometimes that men tend to be insensitive and to trample their wives’ emotional needs, and that such actions can hurt a woman deeply and ultimately ruin a marriage. I have met few men who are as aware of others’ emotional needs or as open about their own emotions as Dad is. It is his gift. I don’t expect everyone to be like him, nor do I mean to say that he always handled everyone’s emotions perfectly–but I can say with confidence that the world would be a better place if more men took more time to consider their wives’ and children’s emotional needs and make a loving effort to meet them. The husband’s half of biblical marriage teaching (Ephesians 5:25-33) commands a husband to love his wife and to give himself for her as Christ did for the church. By that standard, which Dad took to heart, a husband can never love too deeply or give too much.
Thank you, Dad and Mom.
And by the way, the quilt pictured above was our surprise gift to them this year. Each of us children designed a block or two for the quilt, our only stipulation being some general color guidelines. Grandma sewed the blocks together, and a friend quilted it. It turned out to be unique and original, just like a family. Just like a marriage.
This is beautiful, and the way it should be; the way God intended his children to live! You and your siblings are very blessed indeed to have their example lived out in your lives!
Yes we are.
Congratulations Ted and Rose! Beautiful love story!
Very, very nice…post and quilt. I like the block in the lower L hand corner of the house…the window glowing bright…family snug and safe inside.
I know, I love that block too! It was designed by my sister Jennie and has the names of her three daughters, MacKenzie, Madison, and Morgan, embroidered at the bottom.
The love emanates through the screen: Rose is just blooming and Ted must be a real teddy bear. I love all the warm touches: the cake, the cooperatively made quilt, the love of family so evident. I find it endearing that your parents took the whole family on anniversary dinners. The photos are wonderful too – my favorite the one with your dad pulling this glasses at an angle from his eyes.
At first I was a little annoyed at Dad for not cooperating for pictures–he never does very long–then I realized that a photo with glasses pulled down is way more interesting than a smoothly smiling one. :)
I loved reading this incredibly beautiful tribute to your parents!
I’m so glad.
The joy, respect, and love are contagious I these words and images, Lucinda. Your parents have given you the great gift of their faith and mutual love and respect.
It’s good to hear from you, Shirley. Mom and Dad have given us SUCH a great gift. I am blessed.
My parents are perfect ;)
Yeah, I sorta think so too. ;)
Wow!! That’s awesome that you and your siblings respect your parents because they may not always be here,,, both my Dad and Mom have gone to be with Jesus so it’s great to see family unity!! Keep it up …. God bless
Thank you, and the same to you.
I loved reading this. I think that you and I had similar upbringings. My parents also took us along on anniversary meals. I didn’t think it odd when I was a girl but now I know that it was just one more way they showed us that we were wanted. I never doubted that, after God, my parents put us children first.
What a blessings.
Gina
Oh that’s so neat that your parents did the same thing! We are blessed.
What a beautiful tribute to your parents! blessings!
Thank you. It’s good to hear from you.
Love and miss them! They are wonderful people and have not only been a good example to their own children. I know that i have benefited greatly from knowing them as well!! Happy anniversary Ted&Rose!!!
Mom says Thank you and you have your own special love story. :)
Happy Anniversary to your parents…Ted and Rose were always a couple I loved to watch together even as a little girl.
Mom says she always admired you as a young girl and it would be fun to watch you with your husband as well.
Happy Anniversary to your parents…they are so special people that we have meet at your home town..if it wasn’t for them , i would never have had a sister like you from a different mother…love all your family…..we shall meet again..!!
Thank you, Dora. Yes, it was so special to have you visit once–please come visit my family again. And you know I’ll be out there to Deer Lake sooner or later. :)
What a beautiful tribute Lucinda. You are very blessed🙂