Ivan told me that some night when I cannot sleep, I should get up and write a couple of sentences and post a picture or two, just to let you all know that I am still here and still doing okay. Well, here are the two sentences and a photo.
So now that’s done.
And now I want to tell you a few other things that have been rolling around in my mind concerning blogging. For a while, blogging has been difficult. But I want to start again. Here’s part of what I wrote in my freewriting (also neglected of late) yesterday morning.
I haven’t blogged for a very long time. I wonder if I need to decide it’s important again and bump it up my priority list.
I struggle with thinking what I say is not important. And it’s really not. But maybe it matters to me, matters that I put my work out there and reach out to an audience. Maybe I need to pick a date and a time and blog, no matter what. Consistency has been super hard for me. But it really doesn’t matter which day I pick. Every day is equally hard. What’s important is that I blog consistently. So many good things have come to me through my blog.
I think I am scared to blog. Scared to put myself out there. And also busy.
I don’t even know how to start. But this morning I started. I did some freewriting. I want to find that place of authenticity inside myself and blog again. It feels like an exercise in vanity to put myself out into the blogosphere. Nobody cares. My words do not matter. But still, I want to put them out there.
Writing, finding a place of authenticity inside myself and expressing it, has brought me so many gifts. Unique and wonderful friendships. New experiences. Prayer support. My husband.
God brought me all these things, but he used something I did to do it. I think I am ready to return.
Motherhood has been such a change in identity. I think that’s why I went away. Wifehood has been such a change in identity. And somewhere along the way, I lost the sense of smallness that made authentic and dreamy writing possible. I became an author. I became a wife. I became a mother. I lost the sense that my words do not matter, and because my words mattered, I could not write them anymore. But now, so many weeks after posting, I think surely everyone has forgotten me. I am a small and unimportant person in a small and unimportant corner of the world. Nobody cares about me. This can feel daunting for an author with a platform to build. But for a writer who does not want her words set in stone, who wants them as flashing and ephemeral as life itself, not mattering is wonderful. Not mattering is freeing. If nobody notices you, nobody cares, then you can sit in your small corner of the world and play with words like Play-do and shape them into blobs and squiggles, just for fun, and none of it matters, it is only play, as a child does. This is wonderful.
And I will add here that I think my series on parenting scared me off blogging a bit. It was too big and important on a subject I feel small and vulnerable about. It engendered too much feedback and flak. Parenting is a hard thing to write about. It’s a subject that many of us care deeply about, and we can too easily feel threatened or inferior or superior or intimidated. I don’t like writing about things that set me up on a pedestal for passing strangers to take a pot shot at.
All that aside, I will blog again. I will blog regularly, for me, because blogging has brought me wonderful things and because it keeps my writing muscles strong. And I will blog regularly for you, so you know what to expect and won’t forget about me, if you’re interested. But if you’re not, you don’t have to read, and that is all.
You can expect a blog every Wednesday morning from now on. Perhaps rather random, a caught bit of life. Perhaps just a sentence or two with a photo. But a blog. And if you do not see it, you have the right to ask what is going on.
Your thoughts matter.
I am a homeschooling mother of five. The wife of a farmer in California.
I have read your books & your blog for quite a long time. I am so encouraged by your writing. I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed your parenting series! And my children & I love seeing pictures of your little girl growing up! She is just the cutest little one!
It’s so long after you wrote this, so maybe you won’t see it, but your words do matter. I love them and they encourage me. Somehow in the busyness of life, i forgot about the blogs i like to read! Until one of my daughters mentioned something you wrote. So i came now and got all caught up!
I liked one of your latest posts on fear and shyness. And i wonder if everyone secretly deals with that. I was insecure as a youth, but felt like i was secure in Jesus for years now, until emotional and spiritual abuse intended to destroy me, by some relatives, totally rocked my world. Now I wonder if i will ever be courageous again, ever feel like just having a small conversation with even people that i dearly love. And so thankful that nothing can separate me from Jesus!
You will heal, I am confident. ❤️ Thank you for commenting and for catching up. ☺️
Life has it’s ebbs and flows. Writing is both the result of what you are already thinking about, as well as a means of discovering what you do think on a particular topic. So writing is both the result of thinking and the process of exploratory thinking.
That being said, it is normal to stop writing when either;
1. You’ve already written about everything you’ve thought about.
2. You’re not really certain that you’re comfortable with publishing what you’ve been thinking about?
So writing, like life, has it’s ebbs and flows. Sometimes you write. Sometimes you think. Sometimes you’re not sure what you think?
Human beings aren’t human doings. As much as we Mennonites value “work”, we often focus more on the results (the doing) of the work rather than the process (the being) of the work. Asking the question, “What did you accomplish?” makes us “human doings” rather than “human beings”. Asking, “What was in your heart while you were working?” shows us to be human beings who do things for others as a result of that relational love for the other, whether that other is God or family or friends.
To BE is to be in communion…in relation with Jesus and with God. What we do comes out of that relationship of “being with Jesus”.
Write from that perspective. Writing is a secondary process. Being in relationship with God, with family, with neighbors…those are the primary processes of life.
And out of those primary relationships on which we are always focused, out of those comes the secondary process of writing about them.
What you DO is secondary, whether it is writing, or cleaning the dishes. The primary thing is to BE in relation, in communion, with God and with those you love.
When we sing “Tis a gift to be simple”, we are singing of the innocence of being. It’s hard to both explore the nature of being and to retain that innocence.
I read in your blogging a desire to be both, to be innocent and to be aware. The only way I know to be both is to focus on being in love, and allowing the writing to simply flow from that love.
God first. Family second. Everything else third.
Blessings. (You’ve got this.)
This is really helpful for me to think about right now at this stage in my life. Thank you for putting this into words…I want to come back to this and really digest it.
I’m glad to hear from you again!
I do understand what you’re saying…parts of it I feel over on my (small and insignificant ;) ) blog. I feel like I can kinda say what I want there, if I need to vent, because my blog is insignificant and not read by many. But…then I wonder, is it worth blogging if my blog is hardly read.
Thanks for the encouragement. :)
I will keep coming back and reading your blog, I enjoy reading your writing no matter what the topic.
This post caught me… I used to write and now I claim that upon becoming a wife and mother (of 6) my creative juices have all dried up. My brain has atrophied to the point that now my thought processes mostly involve the ubiquitous food, clothes, and cleaning chores. As I explored that thought this morning, I had to rebuke myself in thinking that. My creativity has not dried up… it has just rechanneled. I hardly ever write, but I now make beautiful food and homemade soap for my family. In dreaming and creating practical goods, I am still alive. I encourage you to keep writing if you can; but if, because of the stage of life you’re in, your creativity must find other practical avenues in which to thrive, don’t chide yourself.
I like this, Ruthie. Thank you for that encouragement and God bless your creativity in the wonderful places you have channeled it.
Sounds wonderful! I love your words big or small !
Thank you for returning to blogging. I so enjoy hearing how others live and their stories. I am 74 yrs old and have always enjoyed reading and learning.
I feel just like Dorcas — that you secretly to a look inside my head. I don’t really have anything else to say… just a hug for you. I get it.
Thanks, Bethany.
Please keep blogging. The playdough kind. Thank you for sharing this post. Now I know why I wrote a silly children’s story with rhyming words for my last writer’s group submission. I just needed to play with words.
I read once that we as writers need to play more, and I’ve always remembered it and come back to that thought now and then.
How well I remember the switch in identity when I became a wife and mother after teaching school, and enjoying it, for a number of years. I was not prepared for the change and especially how being a wife and mother entwines you so much more intimately with another and finding your identity in that change! Also finding your role in a new community and all that, too! I enjoy your perspective on life…even a few sentences!
Yes, amen! That change in identity is huge, and you’ve described it well.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts about blogging. Yes, do it as much as possible. I like the picture of your daughter…She is really growing !!! Take time to read stories to her. When we had 4 small children ages 2-4-6-& 8 I read lots of stories.. I even read to them before they were one year old. Now I am a great-grandmother (4 times) and enjoy reading stories to my “greats”
You have a “gift” continue to use it to encourage us and for the glory of God !!
Bertha
I feel like you had a look inside my head and wrote everything you saw there.
I’m also on a blogging hiatus and thinking all those thoughts about putting my words out there.
But a divine thumb keeps nudging me in the back. You know how it is I’m sure.
All the best to you as you find your path forward.
Thank you, Dorcas. I always love to read your blogs, whenever you write them.
Good to hear from you again! I enjoy your thots.
I have missed reading your blog. Every day I look to see if you have written and feel disappointed that you haven’t, until now. Your thoughts and writing do matter! Your little girl is darling. Will look forward to your writing next week! Good to have you back.
Good to hear from you, Dee! That is so very sweet!
Your words matter and you matter. I love to see what you have wrote. I love you and your friendship. Luci you are a caring loving person and I thank God he put you in my life.
Oh Vernie, I thank God for you, too, so much!
I identify with you wanting to write, but not be seen.
You have a gift, it’s ok go ahead and use it. I love to read your writings!
I too, have enjoyed your thoughts that you bravely put out there for us all to read and ponder. And I miss it when they aren’t there. God bless you for using your gift for His glory! (And keep listening to your husband:))
Thanks for your honesty. I connect.
I’m so glad you’re back!! And I apologize for not saying this before, but I really enjoyed your parenting series. It definitely gave me so much to think about as I’m new to the motherhood journey. So…thank you!
My first thought was, when I saw this come up was that you have not blogged for awhile! Do what you feel best for you! I go through some of the same thoughts, though my blog is concentrated on photos and not writing! Take care.
Thank you. I will try to comment more often so you know that you have interested readers.
Thank you, Wendy! I do appreciate my readers and it has been SO good to hear you all’s words of encouragement. That being said, I meant it when I said not mattering is freeing. But then if I never heard from readers, I would be disappointed and my writing wouldn’t feel worthwhile. So it’s a blend of both: connecting, but not feeling so much in the limelight that one is paralyzed.
I’m happy for any little snippet, even photos and then some writing. Your words are always so thought provoking, interesting, sometimes challenging, sometimes I disagree…but hey it gets my grey matter going. I love stopping by. Blessings to you and your lovely family ~ Linda
Getting grey matter going is good. :) Thank you, Linda.
I love hearing about all the interesting things happening in your world. You have a true gift with words that flow so naturally. You are a great communicator.
Enjoy that lovely family of yours. You have a very wise husband and gorgeous little girl.
Ignore the negativity I find all your commentary really helpful and interesting in this mad modern world of ours.
I have all of your marvelous books and treasure them in my home library.
I live in Brisbane Australia and it’s lovely hearing and seeing what’s happening in your life. I look forward to any blog you post they are always a pleasure to read.
May God keep you all safe and well.
Blessings
Janette
Hi Luci! It’s so good to see you blogging again! Please don’t stop.
I actually wanted to share an idea for a post with you, perhaps as a possible collaboration to inspire me to get back into blogging. But I’m afraid it might arouse some controversy, but also maybe not? I’m not sure. I can still share the idea with you if you’re interested.
I hope all is well with you. :)
All is well and I would love to hear your idea. :)