Missy Yoder was only a teenager when she knew she wanted to adopt. Her husband, Doug Yoder, says he “loved kids for a long time, ever since I don’t know when.”
Doug and Missy met in Thailand while working under a mission organization called Global Tribes Outreach. During their dating years, both were involved in children’s ministry. Missy worked as a foster caregiver under a GTO program. Doug helped in the Compassion Home, a Thai-run institution providing children from broken homes with care, education, love, and a chance to hear about Jesus. Since the Compassion Home worked with children ineligible for adoption, Missy wasn’t sure at first whether it was the right fit. But, she says, “By the time we were engaged, I was ready to plug in 100%.”
Soon after marrying, they moved to the Compassion Home to stay.
About a year after the birth of their first child, Keegan, they began to pursue their dream of adopting. Missy had always wanted “a bunch of adopted kids, you know, every shade of brown…” Her experience of giving foster care, she says, just “burned it into me that I need to do my part in loving these kids that don’t have someone to love them.” From Missy, the flame spread to Doug.
Initially, they planned to adopt a Thai child, but after they’d waited almost two years to be matched with a child, the Thai adoption agency told them they were ineligible. After their long wait and high hopes, “it was very, very devastating,” says Doug.
The couple prayed long and hard and, after connecting with a U.S. agency, felt the Lord calling them to adopt from India. Nine months later, they had their paperwork done—”a stack of papers literally that thick,”—Doug says, measuring three inches with his fingers—when India made a new law that barred expats from adopting.
They were disheartened and disillusioned. They asked about China but were told by the adoption agency their income was too low. However, a second adoption agency helped them rework their application, counting non-money resources that could still be legitimately counted as income. Their income, all totaled, came in just over the line.
After that, the China process went quickly. Five months after they said yes to one little boy, aged 2 years old, they traveled to China to pick him up. “The thing that still is amazing whenever we think about it, we were probably the last set of families that traveled to China before everything just closed down [because of COVID],” Doug says.
Jaden Li, as they called their new son, was born with congenital hip dislocation and genital abnormalities, both issues Doug and Missy have since had corrected with surgery. The couple didn’t know about Jaden’s hernia, though, until he screamed and screamed the first night. When they changed his diaper, they found what they describe as a huge hernia on his groin. “Oh, it was scary,” Doug says. A hernia surgery several days later calmed him, though he still often cries inconsolably at nights.
At first, Jaden was as floppy as a baby and could take only two steps without falling over. The couple delighted to watch him speed through the developmental stages, to see him move from flopping to digging in cupboards and trying to climb up on things. Missy tries to guard against comparing him to other kids his age. “Even if he doesn’t ever reach the same developmental stage other kids are,” she says, “that’s okay because he is thriving where he’s at.”
For Doug, the most rewarding part of the adoption comes in seeing Jaden learn and grow and remembering where he would be if he hadn’t joined their family. “He would just be lethargically lying in his bed staring at the ceiling,” he says, “most likely with a huge hernia…probably still taking a bottle.”
How has Keegan adjusted to a little brother? Although there have been rough patches, “he is doing phenomenal,” Missy says, explaining that she and Doug involved him in the entire adoption process. “He prayed with us. He knew when things turned upside down and stuff, and I think that was huge in helping him be a part of it.”
People have asked if Jaden feels the same to them as Keegan. “Absolutely!” Missy says. “He is ours 100%.”
Due to COVID restrictions, the couple is currently waiting to be allowed back into Thailand. Though they are separated from their Compassion Home kids, the children got a chance to meet Jaden and observe his inclusion in the family before the Yoders traveled to the U.S.
In fact, Doug and Missy often felt frustrated when Compassion Home kids intruded on private family time by looking in their windows during mealtimes or knocking on their door with requests. As the couple considered and prayed, though, Missy says, “I think God just gave us that perspective and that heart to show them what a Christian family should be because they don’t have any examples of that.” Thais rarely adopt, and many of the children had a hard time understanding why anyone would want to. Recently, Doug and Missy were thrilled to hear a girl say that when she is older, she would also like to adopt.
Although the adoption road has been long and difficult, Missy says, “we would do it all again for Jaden.”
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This story joins a series of posts I call In Every Life a Story. I publish a new post in this series every 6 weeks or so. Do you have a story or know of someone who has a story to encourage and inspire others? Contact me at lucindajkinsinger@gmail.com. Although many stories will feature Christian themes, I hope to hear from people of many faiths and persuasions. Whoever you are, please get in touch.
I read this story with great interest. At this time last year, Ken and I were in Thailand when Ken taught at IGo for three weeks. One Sunday we were privileged to visit the Compassion Home and to meet Doug & Missy and Keegan. Special people! We also enjoyed meeting the endearing children at the Home. (including a certain little miss aptly nicknamed Cartoon for her love of humor – I recognized her on a pic here) I’m happy to hear that Jaden has joined Doug and Missy’s family!